Mixology?
Trends come and go in this industry, which is a good thing. We all need change, even in the restaurant business. At the risk of sounding whiny (I suppose it’s too late for that), I am ready for the current craft cocktail craze to move along.
I found myself in a local bar recently (hmm, can we still call it a bar?), joining up with my wife and some friends. At this point in the evening, the cocktail server had been cut, so I had to rely on the mixologist to get my drink. As I stood at the bar, seemingly forever, I watched as this gentleman played with his….shaker. I patiently waited–yes I know, that is not a word often used to describe me–as he put together a concoction that consisted of about ten ingredients.
Can I just get a glass of bourbon, please?
I had never seen a drink, stirred and shaken before, but I guess there is a first time for everything. Not only did he put all of this effort into the making of this cocktail, I got to listen while he described the drink in excessive detail, to the customer, who I imagine was ready to start consuming the thing about five minutes earlier.
He finally made his way over to me and I got to order my drink. Imagine the disappointment on his face when I just ordered a bourbon neat. Imagine my disappointment when I found out that my bourbon cost more than the drink with ten ingredients. Someone may have to explain that one to me someday. I know he wanted me to at least order it on the rocks so he could ask me which one of the three different types of ice I would like. Regular cube, crushed, or my new favorite–the giant ice cube. Everyone knows the giant ice cube keeps the drink cold without making it watery, right?
Bartenders wanted
I guess when it comes down to it I would rather have some crusty old-school bartender than a new age mixologist. Don’t get me wrong, I love seeing bars infuse their own vodkas and having a lineup of spray bottles filled with house-made bitters, but at least a bartender knows how to crank out drinks fast and recognize that he has a new customer at his bar. Putting drinks out fast is how a bar makes money, not by making one drink every five minutes.
tabletalkpdx 
Parallel story – we were at a coffee shop with our curmudgeon friend. They asked if he would like Guatemalan, Yirgacheffe or Sumatran. He said “I don’t know. I just want a cup of coffee.” They asked him if he wanted a pour over or French press. He said “I don’t know. I just want a cup of coffee.” They seemed baffled but ended up pouring him a mug of something. He gagged when they told him what the coffee cost. Wrong location for this particular customer!
Similar story from the Raffles in Singapore… tried the Sling first (too sweet for my taste), then went for the all-time favorite, a Margarita. A three-minute show of cocktail preparation ensued, followed by the handover ceremony of a martini glass filled with an impressive mountain of crushed ice. The only problem: it tasted neither of lime nor of salt nor of tequila (thank god I had gone with the “normal” tequila instead of the suggested mega-expensive one).
When my disappointment was too visible in my face not to be addressed, I confessed that I honestly did not like the drink.
Snappy answer: Well, we can prepare you a standard one the next time you come.
OMG.